When a parent suspects that their former spouse or soon to be former spouse may be doing the things we know that can result in Parental Alienation Syndrome in their child, certain dilemmas are inevitable. For example, suppose that your child’s enthusiasm for playing soccer suddenly evaporates when your former spouse learns that you are going to be the new soccer coach. Suppose your child begins to find other activities that occur only during your scheduled visitation times, so that if you insist on visitation, that you are now “the heavy”. Suppose your child suddenly begins to express inexplicable dislike for your new fiancé or spouse, and flatly refuses to see you when this new person is there, using his or her presence as a reason not to visit. Suppose your child begins to clearly withdraw from your parents, their grandparents, and even begins to make remarks critical of them, when their relationship had been warm and loving before your separation or divorce. In other words, assuming that your child’s sudden negativity is without merit, and your failure to accommodate it puts you in a bad light, what should you do? When most parents find themselves in this situation, they will often seek advice from the well-intended professional community. Most often, the advice given regarding these situations is to “be patient”, or “don’t make waves,” or “give it some time because they will come around eventually.” When the dynamics of Parental Alienation, the antecedents of Parental Alienation Syndrome are present, following this advice will result not in things getting better, but predictably in things getting much worse. Eventually, you may find that, in an effort to keep the peace, your relationship with your child had dwindled down to almost nothing.
As time passes, the situations mentioned above grow and take on more and more ground. You finally reach the point where it becomes clear that if you do not insist on your and your child’s visitation time with you, that it will completely vanish. But how should you insist? If one immediately goes to court for relief, the costs, both emotional and monetary, are tremendous. Additionally, you will almost certainly be told that doing so will increase the stressors on your child. Conversely, in deference to these very real stressors, if you take a more passive posture and give in to the wishes of your former spouse and perhaps even your child, you realize that you have already tried this strategy and know the result. Most parents in this situation find themselves in this highly ambivalent and volatile state, vacillating between one extreme and the other.
Virtually all authorities on Parental Alienation Syndrome will agree that the first step is diagnostic. Consistent with the medical premise that effective treatment must follow accurate diagnosis, one must first be certain that Parental Alienation Syndrome is present. That said, it is critical to understand that the vast majority of those mental health professionals who do work in the area of divorce, are not necessarily familiar with Parental Alienation Syndrome. This is due to its relative newness as well as the significant controversy that has accompanied its development.
Read: "Parental Alenation Syndrome Passes the Frye Test"
Evaluations focused on questions related to Parental Alienation Syndrome are different from conventional psychological evaluations. They rely little on Psychological testing. They are very historically oriented, and they rely on collateral sources as well as multiple joint interviews. It is important to realize that conventional psychological evaluations or even custody evaluations may not identify the presence of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Therefore, it is most important to determine the evaluator’s familiarity and experience with Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome.
As Parental Alienation Syndrome becomes more accepted by the courts, we also see it being proposed as being present, when in fact it is not. For example, when children are alienated because they are legitimately fearful of a truly abusive parent, it is a terrible disservice to make the argument that PAS is responsible for the child’s alienation. Therefore, a competent PAS evaluator must be able to ascertain the presence or absence of bona fide abuse in evaluating for PAS. A diagnosis of PAS in the presence of true abusiveness is harmful to children and should be identified.
The most appropriate evaluative strategy is determined by the specifics of the case. Therefore, the most reasonable way to determine the best strategy would be to arrange an individual consultation with the evaluator. This may be pursued via the contact page.
